Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
