And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
