I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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