sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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