You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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