Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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