zippers are such a cool invention
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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