The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
