Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
