I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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