He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
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