gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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