you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
