just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
