i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
do herpes really smell.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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