Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dignity is for republicans.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
