i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
