Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
