I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
