I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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