Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
