i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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