she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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