let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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