I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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