this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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