Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
