Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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