She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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