strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
