my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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