just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
