My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize