Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
