my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
