It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
