On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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