you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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