Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
