my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
