But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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