Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
