do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
