Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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