I think i peed on brittanys purse
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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