so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
