the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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