Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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