So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How external is "for external use only"?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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