i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Screwed.edu
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
