it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
should my penis look like a turkey
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
