Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
