We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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