Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
