Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
