You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
