yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
