Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
