Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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