I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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