walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
