I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
