Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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