you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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