I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
