I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I don't think brook has ever known best
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
