i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
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