It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
