He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
