Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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