seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
