Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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