So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
