Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
