You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
