please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
