My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You don't make any sense
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