I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
